I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
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