oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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