New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
