broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
