I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
