I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
