Well apparently he's into motor boating.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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