He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
