Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
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