Can i not drive my cunt home
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
