I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
