i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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