That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Randomize
