News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
