It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
