i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
