in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Randomize
