so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
