I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
