he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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