You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
he was CRYING into my vagina
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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