He asked me if I "almost moaned"
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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