I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
