they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize
