Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
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