I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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