Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
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