dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
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