The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
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