i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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