you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
