Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
