I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
FUCK WHALES
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize