Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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