She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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