it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Randomize
