Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
