so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
