I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
My balls are so social today.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
