Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
