TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
