I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize