i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize