he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Two words: blizzard sex
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
