so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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