So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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