his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
