I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
