Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
