is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
