So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
