Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
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