we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
The struggles of a small town man whore
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
