brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
