i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize