ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Randomize
