I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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