Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize