dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
