all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
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