so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Randomize
