All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
