Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
