they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
