R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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