please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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