Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Randomize
