I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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