Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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