found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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