What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
